This is episode 415. It aired live on Sept 7, 2022.
Maybe you thought I made it to 10 years and gave up.
I didn’t give up. I was really not in a great place at the end of April this year. I want to tell you about what this summer was for me. What I did that was hard and how I have grown, changed, and where I still struggle.
This was the first episode after a long summer off. The longest break I have ever taken from the weekly show. And I am explaining why this week.
This week I’ve got the first of a three part series which recaps what I have learned over this past summer. This episode sets the stage for the struggles I was facing. Many of which were self-imposed.
The summer of 2022, started out pretty rough. I was over-taxing myself. Putting unnecessary extra pressure on myself.
Can you relate?
I wasn’t eating well or sleeping well. I was saying yes, yes, and yes.
My inability to judge time and how long things take (a lovely by-product of my ADHD) was making me over-promise and therefore feel like at every turn I was disappointing people left and right.
I was in the fast lane on the road to a serious burn out.
I thought I should be able to handle everything. It wasn’t as much as I had done in the past so I was feeling like a failure.
I had finished with three brand new talks which I enjoyed giving and had at least two more to prep for. I had four big design projects (three web projects which were awesome and significant in scope). I had four print booklets that were on the horizon.
I was still thinking about doing camp in July. But then life came at me hard. A conversation with my sister brought perspective to my out of control habit.
That habit of trying to please everyone was not working and I was drowning. I felt like I was disappointing people left and right.
So if I did not get back to you, I deeply apologize. I am just now getting my feet underneath me.
Want to hear more?
I would love to share what I learned.
Where my next steps took me.
Where I was heading and how many times I hit my head on the floor as I face-planted because things weren’t working.
This is Part 1 of 3. This is the darkest one, it does get better. I needed hibernation. Have you needed that but couldn’t take the time? I have some ideas. I have things I tried that worked and many that didn’t.
I hope you can learn from my mistakes. It has been a long, good summer. I can’t wait to get back to our regularly scheduled Wednesdays, First name / friend!
Come a little early and introduce yourself in the chat, tell us where you are located in the world and say hey!
Have you ever felt that you were on that road to burn out?
When was the last time you were overwhelmed with self-imposed responsibilities?
Do you worry that you are disappointing people with every decision you make?
I hope you’ll join me this Wednesday, Sept 7 at 7:30pm BST / 2:30pm ET / 11:30am PT / 8:30am in Hawaii.
Links shared in this episode:
Marketing Made Simple by Donald Miller and Dr. J.J. Peterson: https://amzn.to/3ezHU8y
Kwik Stix Tempura Paint Sticks: https://amzn.to/3eBT7Fr
Design Revival: https://DesignRevival.ga
Sandi Hester’s YouTube Channel: Bits of an Artist’s Life: https://www.youtube.com/c/sandihester
Laura Horn’s Art Classes: https://www.laurahornart.com/
[00:00:00] So I’m doing a three part series. Oh, hey, I’m Diane Gibbs. This is, uh, Creatives Ignite. Used to be called Design Recharge, and this is the longest break I’ve ever done. I took a break out of necessity. Um, I hit a huge, um, burnout, a block. I, that wasn’t really a block, I just was spread too, too thin, and it was, [00:00:30] Induced.
[00:00:31] Um, I had planned on doing camp and doing everything that I normally would do, and what happened was, I’ll just paint the picture. So today is the first of three part series I did, I took care of myself, Amy, I’m glad, I’m glad I’m back. So this kind of like the dark, the dark days. I don’t know. You know, it was, um, I didn’t really know it was that dark until I realized.
[00:00:59] I [00:01:00] was really in not a good place. So let me kind of paint the picture. So I had started the year off and I had I, I do a mastermind group and I thought I would start in January and then I didn’t start in January and I didn’t start in February and I didn’t start, It was like I just didn’t start, didn’t start, didn’t start.
[00:01:15] And then I think we started in May, Um, I can’t even remember. I think it was May. And, and then I did another one in July and it was, I just, it was, [00:01:30] I felt like I was disappointing people left and right. I felt like. Well, I’ll paint the picture a little bit better. Sorry, I’m not doing a very good job. I just have really rough notes.
[00:01:41] I’ll have a deck next week so it’ll be much more visual so you can, hopefully your eyes won’t bleed at the things that I made this summer, but I’m excited to show you. So again, I’d already thought. That I was doing my mastermind thing and it, I wasn’t doing it. I, what was whole, like, I was just trying to get all this stuff done and I knew I had [00:02:00] a couple talks.
[00:02:00] So I had, um, a talk to my friend him, she does a group and I was talking to her and I did a new deck for that. And it was about being an entrepreneur and it was really fun. I love doing decks. I love explaining, I love bringing people together and hopefully making them not feel alone and telling them kind.
[00:02:17] The good and the bad and it, and all the ugly that’s in between. Right. Not trying to sugar coat it. And um, I mean, I’m gonna stay warm, but I’m gonna show you all the bruises and the [00:02:30] bumps along the way. Well, so that was in February and then in March I had, um, I was gonna mindset reboot with Mario, which I did and that was great.
[00:02:39] And I did one about making messes and I really liked that one. And maybe I’ll share that one with y’all. It was, I don’t know. I’ve, I talked about it before. I didn’t share the deck, but I talked about what I had learned. So if you go back to sometime in March or um, February, I was talking about that. I did a, I [00:03:00] did a session about this.
[00:03:01] It really bothers me how angled these are. Anyway, I was doing these talks and I put a lot of pressure on myself. When I do these, I wanna, I always wanna do something new. Um, Which maybe good or bad, I guess I’m always learning something, so I’m trying to reiterate what I’m learning or you know, sometimes like Mario will give me a prompt or, um, a speaker, uh, like a group will give me a prompt, Hey, we would like you to teach on this.
[00:03:27] So I tried to do something new and, and good. And, [00:03:30] um, I went through so many. Um, I tried different things. I remember Fay let me, um, practice with her before I did my mindset reboot one. And, um, you know, it’s good to have people who are gonna give you real feedback, like Absolutely. This is what I love about mastermind groups and what I love about really talking to people and being real with people and not having to put up, Hes, And I feel like maybe that’s something that’s really great [00:04:00] about our industry is that we don’t.
[00:04:02] The, We don’t put so many things. Um, we kind of just, a lot of us tell it like it is and we’re not, um, trying to. Puff up our feathers or something and show something that’s really not great, or that’s not true, not authentic. And so I think that that’s really nice. And that’s what what I’ve loved, what I’ve loved about learning from people online or learning from people on YouTube or, um, whatever, like they’re, they’re not [00:04:30] afraid to just like show what’s happening, even if it gets messy.
[00:04:33] And we’re gonna be talking about that in October, so I can’t wait. Some of the people that I have lined up, I’m super, super excited. Um, but most of September’s me, so anyway, hopefully that’s okay. Maybe you’ve missed me a little bit or I hope anyway, I told Chris yesterday, um, that I felt very. So there’s a battle in my head when I’m, uh, doing it alone is that I feel very, [00:05:00] um, narcissistic.
[00:05:01] Like, Oh, I’m so important and I’m doing this and this, But then Chris does monologues all the time and I don’t, um, I don’t think that they’re narcissistic, like he’s just so into himself and he’s just sharing whatever. Like, I totally, I totally, um, don’t think of other people like that, but I guess I think that other people would think of me like this and a lot of.
[00:05:22] I dealt with was just worrying about what other people thought, and me not getting the Mastermind, not being able to [00:05:30] serve people the way I wanted to. Um, there was something blocking me and I honestly couldn’t see it. I just kept trying to go. It was like I, you know, when you’re, Now, I don’t play video games, but I do know there are times when you’re just like standing and you could be going against a wall like this.
[00:05:50] You’re just continually working. You’re walking, you know, your little person is moving, but they’re hitting a wall and so they’re not getting anywhere, you know? And [00:06:00] that’s what I felt like I was doing, but I was like, I’m gonna keep going. I’m gonna keep going. It’s gonna be fine. I’m gonna keep going. Hey, But I do, I do worry about disappointing people, worry about, um, feeling like it’s just all about me.
[00:06:15] Um, and then Chris said something, and I don’t remember exactly on my phone in front of me, it’s probably in my pocket, but he said, Well, you have something that people need to hear. And he didn’t know what I was necessarily gonna say, or maybe he did, but I think that it’s. [00:06:30] Maybe you battle with that, with that too.
[00:06:32] I think in the service industry, I think this is what makes me a good designer, is that I really do care about serving people well. And when I don’t get to serve them well, or I don’t feel like I’m doing my best, um, or I, I’ve done it before, but I can’t do it now. What’s wrong with me? Right. I was, and I think one of the things I was wrote down, I was like, Are you just validating?
[00:06:56] Well, let me tell you what everything I was doing. I realized that [00:07:00] I could just tell you the list of all the things that I was doing and, and I, I felt, I feel bad that I didn’t get everything I wanted to get done. Not that I don’t think I will get it done, like there are things that are still on my docket that are on the docket.
[00:07:15] But I was, I was putting a lot of pressure on myself. And then I have had Creative South, which was great. And it was great to see lots of y’all, hope to see y’all, the rest of y’all there next, next year. Um, but it’s definitely a time for serving. It’s for me, it’s a time for [00:07:30] serving. So it was really good. I got to hang out with, um, in my room.
[00:07:33] Uh, Debbie Clapper and Jody Miller were, we were roomies and it was just really nice. Hadn’t seen Jody. In person in like 20. Hmm. I don’t know. I’m not good with math since like 1998. That’s a long time, but we meet a lot, so, but, so it was really good. And then I’d never met Debbie Clapper in person and it was like, whoa.
[00:07:59] That [00:08:00] was, you know, when you meet somebody. That you’ve been talking to for a long time and you actually meet him in person and you’re like, Oh, this is now, I just know how tall you are. Right? Like that’s kind of what it felt like. It didn’t feel weird, but it was, it was really nice. But there, Dave and I, Dave Clayton and I were doing a talk, and in that talk, you know, we had to meet, uh, he’s in the UK so we would meet early, like noon his time.
[00:08:27] Um, 6:00 [00:08:30] AM my time and we would practice our talk. And then as Hannah, um, well, lots of Hannahs know, but, um, Hannah Wilson was, she does the backstage stuff and she’s like, Oh yeah, just give me your deck. Well, I didn’t even think about the confidence monitors that I knew we needed. But I had a pdf, you know, like I’d do everything.
[00:08:51] So as a pdf. And then she, uh, anyway, all the fonts broke, so it was terrible. But it was funny. I guess it was funny for y’all. [00:09:00] Um, wasn’t so funny for me, but I just let it roll. You know, I, there was nothing I could do. I could. Cry about it. Chris, uh, doe He was like dying. You just talked about it too long.
[00:09:09] Like you just, it was, you just gotta let it go the first time. It was kind of funny. Second time, kind of funny. After that it wasn’t funny anymore, you know. Just move on. Keep going. Dave and I gave it later. You can watch that one. It’s a old episode. A couple episodes ago now since, hasn’t been any episode since May.
[00:09:27] Um, anyway, so [00:09:30] I was, uh, Trying to please everybody and I ended up, um, being very, Um, just pushing myself to the absolute what I couldn’t do. And so I got John Engles involved. I started delegating and I got help and that was something that I don’t normally do, but that was really helpful. And then I started having to tell people how best to get in touch with me.
[00:09:59] So if they were [00:10:00] sending me an email to one of my 11 email addresses, certain ones I might not be as responsive on. So I was like, If you need me, Just text me, right? Like, that’s why I give you my phone number, my phone number’s on every single email you get from me. People just text me and I’m in WhatsApp so I can do the WhatsApp, um, or that’s probably sounds so old.
[00:10:20] I can do the WhatsApp. Um, but anyway, so if you need me, that’s what, that’s the best way to get in touch with me. Or it’s the fastest, I guess. [00:10:30] Um, and so, but I just kept felt feeling over and over, like I was just disappointing. People were waiting, people were waiting on me. Have you ever had, like, you’re, you’re doing something and it’s taking longer to cook than you thought and it ended up cooking like three hours longer than you?
[00:10:52] Then it was, you thought it would take 30 minutes and it ended up taking three hours and then it’s even worse. And now everything’s like, I don’t know how my [00:11:00] mom does it. My mom always, everything is done at the same time. Everything is hot. I just thought is how you did it when you cooked. Well, I do not have all those jeans must have gone to my sister because I do not have like one thing’s gonna be cold or super dried out because I cooked.
[00:11:18] I’m not a good, that’s, I make friends not meals. Okay. So anyway, the pressure on myself, self-induced. Nobody was pressured. Right. [00:11:30] Um, John Ingels was helping me left and right. What can I do, Diane? How can I help? Right. Um, and he did, he helped me lots. Could I probably have used him more? Probably. Could I have used other people?
[00:11:40] Probably. But now I’m getting in a rhythm so that I can do that. And I was being pushed. I. Being challenged. And I worked on, um, three websites in like from May till July 1st, and then I had four print [00:12:00] projects that were bigger books. Like they weren’t like tiny little things. And I thought, anyway, doesn’t matter.
[00:12:06] Now I’m just validating how terrible I was as a podcaster or as a friend. Maybe you reached out to me and were like, It’d be to me up and I’m. Cold, like total silence. Some people were like, Are we okay? Like, so not just a few people. There were a handful of people who were worried that I, they had done something and I was [00:12:30] like, Oh my gosh, you haven’t done anything.
[00:12:32] I have. I am having trouble. And it was really hard for me to say that and my friend will. He, um, he was like, Yeah, Diane, it’s good. I’m glad you’re finally taking time off. And I was like, Really? Like you, you saw I was crashing. Like I just didn’t see it. And so I was, I was very, um, I was, I’m always trying new things.
[00:12:55] So I started this thing and I don’t remember what month, maybe it was [00:13:00] November last year. Just like some art people to get together to just like, Look at art and see what we were doing and get some feedback. Just really small group, just to see if, if the people were interested or something. And so then I realized, oh, this is really fun.
[00:13:15] I’m learning and I like to see people’s processes and how they’re struggling or how they’re, that it doesn’t always have to be perfect or they’re figuring something out. And I love that part. Right. All these things were happening. I was [00:13:30] doing many things, but I still had this plan of, Oh, I’m gonna do camp, but I’m gonna do, I’m gonna start, I’m gonna ask all my people in March.
[00:13:37] Well, I hadn’t asked them in March. I’m finally asking for help. I am, um, I’m getting things done, I’m being challenged. And, um, I can’t think of Eric’s last name right now, but, Dr. Eric Korem, he was on here, I don’t know why I can’t remember his name. He’s in Texas now. And anyway, he talked about sleep, [00:14:00] and I’ve been trying to work on sleep for a year, like really working on it, tracking it, making sure that I’m trying to get enough sleep, and then it finally hit that I needed to sleep to be able to solve the problem.
[00:14:15] So, Like in web sometimes you’re like, you just keep watching the same videos that told you how to do it and you couldn’t figure it out. And I wasn’t just doing little web things. I was doing like things. [00:14:30] Databases, which may not seem like much, but like you say, database or spreadsheet to most designers and you’re like, Whoa, count me out, buddy.
[00:14:37] You know? That’s kind of me too. But I really liked being able to process information in a different way, and so I started doing it last in 2021, I built a site. It was like a real estate site so that it would be really easy for them. It was kind of like a form. They just filled out the form and this beautiful page appeared because that’s how I did it with this database thing.
[00:14:58] Anyway, um, so I [00:15:00] did it again and I, uh, worked with Brian Harper and um, uh, Mario and we prob I think made a really good, um, The, I’m really proud of that, uh, plumbing site. It’s a really good plumbing site in Maryland, Clark, I can’t even say it. Clarksburg Plumbing. Um, I made a video that was just like for, you know, to, for them to see what, what I thought they could get somebody else to do.
[00:15:29] It was, [00:15:30] I like doing things like that. I like doing things that are challenging. I like the doing things that will help them. I ended up writing things. I’m not really a writer, but I know, um, story brand pretty well, and so I know how to kind of get to the bottom. And I, that’s the way I teach from is a story brand kind of perspective.
[00:15:50] And that marketing made simple. This is, I don’t get any money from this. I should have my Amazon link, but somebody else could put their Amazon link in for marketing Made Simple, uh, by Don [00:16:00] Miller and Dr. JJ Peterson. I love that book. Chapter five is all about web and it’s the strategy, and I love this anyway.
[00:16:07] So I’m loving what I’m doing. There are some days that I’m working 18 hours to 20 hours, like I was not getting enough sleep. So what I realized is I just needed to go to sleep and then, uh, John Ingels and I would meet back up and we’d solve something, or I’d be like, I’d just me explaining what I was trying to do would spark something and I would be able to [00:16:30] solve it.
[00:16:30] So me getting more sleep helped, but I’d also in May, my sister got married in April. Um, And right after Creative South and they, uh, just kind of eloped, I guess is which anyway, me and my mom, we didn’t go, I mean, we would’ve gone, but we, anyway, now that we weren’t invited, I don’t this, this anyway, whatever.
[00:16:53] So, uh, she does this and then we’re gonna do this party. So my parents, Oh mom, is it okay if I tell my old you gonna be, [00:17:00] uh, They are turning 80, They were born in 42, so they were, they’re turning 80 this year. My dad’s already 80, so my dad’s older than my mom for a little bit. I mean, I guess always. He’s a little older.
[00:17:12] Anyway, so we had a 80th birthday party for my mom and my dad. And we had a wedding. Yeah, a wedding for Vickie and Aaron. Um, so it was. Um, [00:17:30] and that was in May. And, but before then, um, Vickie had asked me, um, she’s like, uh, it was something like, I didn’t even, hadn’t made that decision not to do camp, but none of my actions were showing that I was doing camp.
[00:17:48] I mean, I was just like drowning, you know? Like hell help, right? But I wasn’t saying help to anybody. I was just trying to keep going and doing and not disappoint people even further, I. So [00:18:00] what ended up happening was that I just hit a wall and when she asked me, I don’t even remember exactly what she said.
[00:18:07] Oh, I do know I had, So in April I’d bought this ticket to go to this art. Conference and in Athens, Georgia. So it’s really near my parents and Jodi and I were gonna go together. We did go together. Um, and so it was like right before school started and I was really excited. But you know, I bought the ticket in April and so [00:18:30] Vickie was having the exact same weekend this bigger.
[00:18:34] Party in North Carolina, and I probably shouldn’t be saying all this, but maybe my sister won’t watch this anyway. It doesn’t matter. This is really what happened. And so she said, Well, you haven’t even asked about any of our, They were doing like a tour so that, cuz everybody was older so they were just gonna go to different places.
[00:18:54] And she’s like, You haven’t even asked about this stuff, Diane. And I was like, Oh, I feel crap. [00:19:00] I feel crap. I feel like crap. I feel like I’m a terrible sister. I’m just running, running, running, staying up, trying to get these websites finished. I’m just trying, trying to get them everything done and things are stacking up like they’re taking longer than I thought.
[00:19:15] Right. I, my sister asked the question in saying, just stating, You haven’t even asked about this other thing, could do you, Are you gonna maybe come to the one in North, North Carolina? And I was, When is it? [00:19:30] And then she said the weekend. And I’d already made plans for that weekend because I was going to that thing with Jody, the art thing.
[00:19:36] So my goal, at some point I had said, I’m gonna do some art this summer. I’m not gonna take it anymore. Projects after. I’m gonna try to be done with all the projects in June, Mid-June is what my goal was. Blew that one. It was more like mid-July when everything was done, but that’s okay. They were all, Every project was beautiful.
[00:19:56] I still have two projects to do and I’ll get to ’em. I promise. [00:20:00] I ended up, I just, the over promise, you know how you’re supposed to under promise and over deliver? Oh, I felt like I had those backwards. And so then I was letting people who I really loved, who really loved me, I was just letting them down cuz I wasn’t even asking about things.
[00:20:15] And so there have been lots of times where Vickie and I. Um, we communicate differently. We feel love differently. Like anybody, like me and Brian Harper feel love differently. Probably. Like he has a different love language than I have. [00:20:30] My husband’s is time and I suck it, do that probably for him. Um, but I work on it.
[00:20:36] I’m trying, but mine is like words of encouragement or, um, yeah, that’s mine. I like being encouraged. That’s how I feel loved. Um, But, so my sister, I also feel loved if I spend time with you. Like, um, that’s how I feel connected. And from long, long time ago when I, you lived in Colorado in the late nineties.
[00:20:59] [00:21:00] Um, I remember saying, Hey, I just wanna talk to you once a week. You know, that would be great if we could just talk once a week. And really, it just had never did it. She’s like, That’s not what works for me. Okay. And so I just tried to be as flexible as I could, but when she said that, that I hadn’t even asked about this, it really hit.
[00:21:19] And I was like, Okay, what can I do? Because I don’t want her to feel like that. That’s terrible. And that’s terrible for me too, that I’m just so stuck up my own butt that I can’t even. You know [00:21:30] that I made my sister feel terrible because I wasn’t even asking about, you know, her wedding tour. And so, That may seem silly, but that really, it really, it was like a huge thing.
[00:21:43] And at that moment, in that conversation, I made the decision not to do ca because I just couldn’t, I was like, I can’t try to do anything else. I’m gonna just work on this Clarksburg website. I’m gonna work on the one for my friend Amy, the Napa All Kids Napa or all [00:22:00] youth Napa. Um, that one’s still in production, but it’s up.
[00:22:03] Um, I have to finish it. And then, um, one for another client of mine that I, this is the second website I had done for them, and it was gonna be much more bigger, different, um, and so those were like the three websites. And then I had these print projects with that client, and then I had another, Why did I accept another print project?
[00:22:24] I don’t know, but I felt like I could do it, and I was trying to help somebody out. I just [00:22:30] hit the wall. And at that point I told her, I said, Oh, I’m not gonna do camp. And I hadn’t told anybody that I wasn’t doing camp. I just hadn’t. I had no actions that were showing that I was doing camp. Um, And the reason I do camp is that we can come together and learn where a lot of us are so openers and that we’re able to come and learn together and we don’t feel so alone anymore.
[00:22:51] And that’s really fun. It’s fun, it’s like a challenge. Um, it lasts for a month and you [00:23:00] get to connect with people from all over. And that was, it was, it’s been really good the, in 2020 and 2021, it was really good, but I still. There are people I still haven’t sent their t-shirts to. Yikes. Like, Oh man, talk about dis, I mean, every day in my office, I pass by the T-shirts.
[00:23:16] There’s like six people I gotta send t-shirts to. What? Why can’t, Anyway, I know you’re like, Oh, you gotta get those t-shirts out. I am. I still have to do my taxes too. Not that I’m just validating all that I was doing now. Okay. Anyway, I know that [00:23:30] I tend to stack things on because it makes me feel worthy.
[00:23:35] It makes me feel good. To help somebody. And it makes me feel terrible if I can’t help them or if I say no. Ooh, I really like saying yes. So, um, but it wasn’t working and. So I realized that I, and I knew I was gonna, well, I didn’t know, but I was gonna try to take a break in July. [00:24:00] Um, ended up, I was taking a break like July 14th through August 14th.
[00:24:04] I started school I think on the 17th of August. But you have prep to do, you know other things. But I was just, I felt like I was just letting people down. And so if you’ve emailed me or if you need message me and I never message you back, I’m so sorry. Like you’re, you’re unread. And so I will get back to you.
[00:24:22] I hope, I hope I get back to you or just send me a new message. But I realized that I was in the, I was like a, [00:24:30] a junkie or busyness because I liked the way it made me feel. I liked helping people. I still like helping people. It makes me, um, Feel kind of really bad if I can’t help anybody. And then I’ve thought about this a lot.
[00:24:45] Like if I couldn’t, um, you know, if something happened and I lost my job, I could, I always said, well, I could always be a server at a restaurant. You know, Cause then you’re serving people and I’m good at that. Um, but then what happens if like, I don’t have [00:25:00] arms or I lose my legs? It would be hard to be a server that way.
[00:25:04] Right. Also be hard to be a designer. Um, But I just realized, and somebody said this, and I don’t remember where I read it, I did not say this. I mean, I’m saying it now, but busy is not a direction, man. That was like, you know, like stab it and then turn it because that was where I was. I wasn’t going anywhere.
[00:25:26] I was just, um, you know how when you’re. [00:25:30] Like in the tub and the water’s going down, you know, it’s spiraling down, but there’s this like current that’s going just around the drain. I just felt like I couldn’t get out, like the rip current in the ocean or I was just sucked and I couldn’t, I was sucked. That doesn’t even make sense.
[00:25:45] I was, whatever. I don’t know what that’s called. I was in it and I couldn’t get out. I didn’t know how to get out and. The only thing I could do was just stop. And so in July, I mean, I really, I didn’t meet with [00:26:00] people. I, um, I was just like, I’m taking some time. I didn’t even tell some people I was taking time.
[00:26:06] I just didn’t message them back. And that’s really rude. So I just wanna apologize for anybody that I did that to. And then I just had people who would message me and were like, Are we okay? Are you, are you mad at me? And I’m like, I’m not mad at you. Only, only I’m not mad at you. I have a busy problem. And I was letting people down, but I knew at the beginning of [00:26:30] the summer I wanted to do something different.
[00:26:32] So once I had made that decision to not. Do camp. I was like, Okay, well I’m gonna do part of my time making art and I’m gonna not like for anybody to see or buy or anything. Just, you know, for me because I just wanted to come back to something and I just. There was a, at mindset reboot, I talked about making messes and I ta, I showed lots of things in sketchbooks where I was just, um, I went back to really old [00:27:00] sketchbooks, which I probably have some, Let’s see, This is fall of 16.
[00:27:05] I really like these. I mean, I, I haven’t, I didn’t plan on showing anything of this, but I’ll just show you one page Hope. There’s nothing bad on this, but I mean, there’s lots of bad, but, you know, I was just making messes and what I ended up doing in that talk for Mindset reboot, I ended up realizing that I had things in here that I liked, that I didn’t even know.
[00:27:27] I really like this, this dog with a, a [00:27:30] flower. I don’t know why. It’s a weird, I think it. I don’t know. Anyway, there were just, there were just things that I ended up, I used to scratch things out and so that talk kind of sparked something. Look at this funny guy. I should just go through my old schedule. I like him.
[00:27:47] No neck. No neck, Neil, that’s what his name is. Anyway. Um, but I keep my sketchbooks. Hopefully y’all keep your sketchbooks, but I wasn’t going through ’em. So when I went did that mindset reboot talk, I did that. [00:28:00] Then, um, I knew I had one other talk and it was in August. It was at Design Revival and it was amazing and I had the best time and I really got fed.
[00:28:09] And, uh, God just really used that time to, to just finish healing. I think what, what I had been going through, I. Wanted to start design, reach, or whatever creatives ignite. I wanted to start it back August 17th, the first week of school. And I remember Paul was like, Oh, is there a show today? And I’m like, No, [00:28:30] I can’t do it.
[00:28:30] I can’t do it yet. I guess I’m gonna wait till September the first week in September. I did, this is the first Wednesday in September, so thank you guys. Um, but luckily I had a little bit of grace. I gave myself a little bit of grace to just say, Let’s start in September. So I’m like overloaded trying to get everything finished so that I can just rest right?
[00:28:53] And I, I don’t rest well, like I suck at rest. I, I don’t like to sit in front of the [00:29:00] TV without having someone to draw or rip through magazines, Bugs John to no end. But I’ve, I’m just like that, that’s just a I’ll knit or I’ll make something, whatever. I ended up, um, going, I went to Colorado. That was like the start of my, uh, break and Tara and I, uh, who we went to Auburn together and then we moved to Colorado together.
[00:29:23] I left and she stayed and, um, And we did like an art retreat, just her and I, and we just [00:29:30] took over kitchen table and it was just awesome and, and I got covid and we went and we drew out plain air, which it sounds like I’m saying plain air mom, but it’s not. It’s like P L E I N. I think air just means out like you’re drawing when you’re there.
[00:29:49] So we went and we hiked and um, and it was. It was really good and I had, I had 30 days, you know, I had 30 days from Aug, uh, July 15th or July [00:30:00] 14th to August 17th when school started. Anyway, it was awesome. I didn’t stay in Colorado that long. I stayed in Colorado for I think five days, six days, and I got covid.
[00:30:12] I didn’t know I had Covid. I came back and then I gave it to John and it was terrible. Anybody is terrible. The cough is cuz I have asthma and I get bronchitis and then that just leads to this. And so I have an inhaler and I’m just using my inhaler, trying to use it every two hours. So [00:30:30] anyway, needless to say, definitely went through UPS and.
[00:30:33] Next week to just give you a little hint is I’m gonna show you some of the messes that I ended up making, so I might show you a little bit from that mindset reboot what I was looking at before I started making, and then I had to figure out what a system was for me to make. And so I ended up finding something that worked, but I tried a whole bunch of other things and I.
[00:30:56] For people who are like us. We’re pushing, we’re trying, we’re growing [00:31:00] our business, we’re trying to do different things and learn different things. You know, maybe you need to track it so that you can look back and see, hey, I’m actually making progress. Or maybe, um, you find a system that works. So I realized when I was at school, I was really short tempered if I had.
[00:31:20] A client project to work on. I had school and I did something community wise, like doing a podcast or I was trying to do graphics for the show or anything. [00:31:30] I was just short tempered. So there was something about doing three things in the day that just pushed me over the edge. I almost never can u do art here, but I carry, I bring it just in case, you know, I get the urge, but I really am like one of those people that if you’re in front of me, I’m gonna be with you and we’re going to do the thing.
[00:31:47] So in class it’s really hard for me. To not be right there with them and do things with them. But I tried new things. I, um, I signed up for this yearlong course [00:32:00] that was like an art course that was for, um, her name’s Laura Horn. And on the first module, the first, I mean, We were supposed to start in April, but I didn’t start till like May or June anyway, so it must, I don’t remember what month it was anyway, but there was this lady, and her name’s Sandi Hester and I love this lady.
[00:32:21] Um, I ended up like just binge watching her stuff, uh, on YouTube and she is, has a channel called Bits of an Artist Life. She’s [00:32:30] gonna be here, I mean, not here in my office, but here on the podcast in October, and I can’t wait for y’all. Meet her and Amy Lyon, she went to Auburn too. She was um, maybe a year or two younger than me.
[00:32:46] I think a year young, I think a year younger. Anyway, we just gotta be friends and it was just really, it was just a really nice encouragement. Um, and I just learned and I pulled out new tools [00:33:00] and I started realizing, hey, there’s something just in trying new tools, Um, I also, as a designer, there’s this part that I had to break about making everything look good or, um, I wasn’t even necessarily showing people things, but it was just me.
[00:33:18] It wasn’t up to what I thought. That wasn’t what I wanted in what I used to do in my sketchbook. I’d scratch things out, right? So I wasn’t doing that anymore. Oh, hey, Brian White. I just saw you. I’m sure you’ve been here. I’m so sorry. Kansas. Here we go, Lawrence. [00:33:30] Um, but I ended. Mixing colors, realizing that I wasn’t so good with color.
[00:33:37] Um, I pushed myself to do a lot of different things and because I was making, I was trying to make every other day or um, like every day or one day. I can’t do a whole day just making because the pressure’s too high. But what I realized, what worked for me, maybe this is cuz of the adhd. Was, I would make a [00:34:00] co, I have a desk like this, a big drafting table at my house, and I would make a couple marks, watch a video, make a couple marks in the beginning of the day, and then I’d go over to my desk and I’d work on a website.
[00:34:13] And then every time, you know, I have a tiny bladder. So every time I’d go to the bathroom and come back. So I gotta go to the bathroom first. But every time I came back, I would spend 10, 15, maybe 30 minutes, but no more than 30 minutes on that thing. I’d make a couple more marks and then I’d go back and I realized I was [00:34:30] solving, like the things that was happening with school, not school, the things that was happening in sleep that I needed to happen was happening when I was making art, when I was just making marks, when I was just explored.
[00:34:41] And I mean, I, I made some, a lot of bad stuff, but I made some stuff that I liked. But some of it’s just, How much are you exploring if you’re burned out? Um, that was a really good answer, but the first answer was that I absolutely had to [00:35:00] stop and I had to just like cold Turkey on, um, just meeting I met, I, there would be days and I would tell Chris Martin, I was like, Yeah, I’ve got, um, I’ve got seven meetings.
[00:35:16] Um, and seven is a lot when you’re spending an hour, an hour and a half. Um, and so it was just, I just couldn’t do it anymore. And now I realize five is really too many for me now. Um, so I didn’t see what my capacity [00:35:30] was or what my limits were, but I was hitting, I was hitting the wall, right? I was just kept trying to go and go, but it wasn’t working.
[00:35:38] So I’m really, I wanna apologize if I let anybody down. I’m sure that I did, and it’s okay. Um, I hopefully can, uh, build trust again. But one of the things that I really felt called to share after all of this, I have much better reflection time and I’m [00:36:00] not so worried if I get sick that I can’t, that I have to keep working or that I have to do, so I have more.
[00:36:08] Um, buffer time built in, which I didn’t have and I haven’t had for a long time, and I need to do even better. But anyway, so I realized that I love not, Oh, well, let me just tell you what I love. I love learning how. Sandy Hester [00:36:30] would go out and draw, and then she would come back and make other drawings and multiple sketchbooks at the same time.
[00:36:36] And then she would make a painting and then she would cover over the painting things that she didn’t like. And I’m like, Oh man. And then, I mean, there’s all kinds of things that I learned from watching artists. Fine artists doing things and there’s so much fun and joy that I wasn’t having because I wasn’t giving myself time for that.
[00:36:57] Um, and I just had to [00:37:00] like really stop, like get off the wagon and, and really I thank my sister for asking me the question of why I hadn’t even asked when her arty was. And I didn’t go. I ended up going to the art thing, so. But I think she was okay with that. But we now talk every week, which is good. And so now we have a system that works for us.
[00:37:25] It’s not perfect, but it’s something that works. And I think that for the [00:37:30] people who are important to you, you have to figure out something that’s gonna work for you and work for them. And I’m sure my mom would be like, Well, I’d like for you to come home every other weekend and I live eight hours away from my mom and I’m not gonna be able to do that.
[00:37:41] But I’m trying to do better about visiting and. Making sure. I do talk to my mom every day. I’m sure it’s not as long as she would like sometimes, but I do appreciate my mom a great deal and my dad I appreciate, but I just don’t talk to my dad as much, so I don’t think he hears that well. And so it’s hard on the phone [00:38:00] when you’re saying something and he doesn’t un understand.
[00:38:02] But this guy, hopefully he’s not listening to this right now. I’ll just talk really quietly and hopefully won’t be able to hear it. My mom never says anything in the chat, so I can’t ever know. Um, thanks mom. Throw me under the bus, but what I wanted to tell you was just like where I was, so there’s no, um, I’m trying not to, Um, Give it all away.
[00:38:21] You know the, So there’s a three part series. So next week is, So this was kind of the dark place. I finally realized I had to do something different, and [00:38:30] then I started implementing, I started doing things a little different. So next week I’m gonna show you some things, show you some messes that I made. . Um, and one of the things that I’m gonna focus on for the rest of the year, so from October, November and part of December, I usually don’t do, I do one show maybe in December, um, is talking to people about how they get their ideas, um, where, how they take an idea and execute and try and do something different when they make their decisions, [00:39:00] how it fails, and then how they rectify that.
[00:39:03] Um, I don’t know. I don’t, I saw Sandi Hester doing that, and I thought, that’s really neat. That’s a neat way of looking at it. And I watch a lot of, um, sketchbook tours, you know, like on YouTube where people are going through and maybe they’re going back and looking at their sketchbook and seeing where there were some really good ideas, and then they th they just abandoned it and now they could come back to it.
[00:39:27] And maybe there’s something in your stuff that you [00:39:30] can come back to. Maybe you feel. I did and I was just really burned out and trying to please everybody, but definitely not pleasing myself or the people closest to me. Right? Um, and then it was just kind of a leaving everybody hanging in a disappointment.
[00:39:47] So, um, next week I will show you that the mucky, middle, and, um, but I just know that I’m better. I’m not completely a hundred percent. [00:40:00] I feel I was telling my friend Ellen at lunch today, I said I feel the best that I felt in years. Not like healthy wise, man. I’m gonna have rock hard abs by the time I’m 50.
[00:40:12] That’ll be April people. Um, but like, I feel better. I feel like I’m not as short tempered with my students. I feel like. I’m not trying to do too many things and juggle too many things that if I have time, I love to draw every day, and I’m try, I try, but I, I’m [00:40:30] not putting pressure on myself. To absolutely have to draw every day.
[00:40:34] I do think it’s helpful to have a group that you can, um, keep you accountable. Um, so there’s a few people that I just text if I get to draw and we share our drawings if we get to do ’em every day. Um, but there’s no pressure. Like, you’re a loser. You didn’t get your drawing done, Diane. Like, there’s none of that.
[00:40:52] They’re like, Oh, cool. That’s different. Okay. Um, so to me that’s really, that’s been really helpful. So it’s a very [00:41:00] encouraging way for me to. Still make some marks, and I’ll show you this one. This was probably, they need the most branding help, I think. Um, hopefully, No, I won’t get in trouble for that.
[00:41:14] There’s, uh, Cooper Black. I like Cooper Black in times. There’s comic sans on these things. I don’t think you can see it really good. Let’s see. Can you see that? Yeah. Look at that comic sans. Solid Tempura paint. Oh, I [00:41:30] know. Ooh. But look, I mean, Auburn colors, right? Sort of navy and like terracotta. Um, do you know what colors these make when you mix them?
[00:41:43] So this is just a pallet paper. So there they are. I’m gonna show you. Well, I don’t know if I can really, Well, I’ll try to show anyway, I’m gonna show you because I think, I thought this was a really unique, So this is like Chapstick sort of, you crank it from the bottom. I mean, I’m not sure how light fast these are, you [00:42:00] know?
[00:42:00] But, I’m not, uh, making anything like that yet, you know, so I’m just playing, but, so I’m just making, So you just roll it, right. And then I’m gonna put any guesses over in the, um, Oh, thanks Joe. I appreciate you coming. Um, what color these two colors would make together now? A color theory or, you see these are the same colors, right?
[00:42:24] Um, that I already had down there. What color does this make anybody guess? Brown. What color? [00:42:30] Brown. Like doo doo brown, chocolate, brown, camel, brown, reddish brown. Okay. All right. So I just got a water brush. Oh. And these stick things are, I mean, they are wicked fun. I mean, wicked fun. Let’s see if I can, Oh, not really.
[00:42:47] Let’s see. Oh, there you go. You can see it now. And my desk, messy desk, so I’m just, This is a water brush, so it has water in there. Right. See the water? So I’m just squeezing it out. And I’m just gonna mix. [00:43:00] It actually kind of makes a green like, forget about this brown, Look at that. It is like freaking fantastic.
[00:43:07] Let me show you, Let me move this. See if I can get this piece of paper. And you see my, Yeah, you can see. Look at that. It’s like a green. I was, I mean, you know, maybe, Maybe I did. I think I did pretty good on having the number right. You know the amount. I think this one’s too old. Well, it’s kind of activating anyway.
[00:43:27] It makes green, and I just thought, [00:43:30] wow, there’s all kind of surprises all over the place. Oh, now you can’t see anything because everything’s fuzzy anyway, you get the idea. I guess I can move my thing, but I was like, No way. Okay, so these are called, I feel like this is commercial. But remember it has comic sand on there.
[00:43:52] Anyway, I love these. I’ve drawn so many things in these and I use just even one color, but I’m limiting my color palette for [00:44:00] 30 days. Um, cause I’m trying to get better at color. So they’re called Kwik Stix. I mean like, uh, I don’t even know if you can really see that good, but see K W I K sticks, s t I x. Kwik Stix Tempura Paint Sticks: https://amzn.to/3eBT7Fr
[00:44:17] Anyway. Um, but they come in all colors. There’s um, I got two packs of 36 and there were a couple repeats, but I’ll show you one thing. And I, um, I showed this one. [00:44:30] Uh, I got to finally meet Mario (https://madexmaker.com) in person. I know, I think pretty sure Joey’s met him, but I had never met him in person. We meet all the time. But I finally got to meet him at Design Revival. https://DesignRevival.ga
[00:44:40] Well, so these I did with the quick sticks, which I think I really like this lady. And you know, she’s weird little bit looking, but I’m okay with that. I’m trying to move my thing so I can still see, but like I lo, I think this is somebody’s pants, this is little legs. I’m not sure why their legs are [00:45:00] visible.
[00:45:00] I guess, you know, some pants are sort of see through, um, not that I would wear, but this is just turning it on its side and I just really, And then you add some water and then you get some of that, um, other kind of, the orange doesn’t have to be so bright. I did do one other one that was this, this girl I really liked her.
[00:45:20] She didn’t have a, um, turtleneck on in the beginning, but I messed up her neck. So then she got a turtleneck and I like, She’s got fun, funky [00:45:30] hair. Anyway, Mario was like, they look better in person than they do, uh, you taking photos. Um, but like, I did, these aren’t that, but these are the quick sticks, two different Kwik Stix.
[00:45:40] Um, and these, the light blue has like shimmer, like there’s a metallic. I’m not super awesome on the, I don’t need glitter. I like glitter lots of times. Anyway, but they have all kinds, and I’ve got all kinds of tools to show. But like, so this is like a sagey [00:46:00] green color. Um, you can see it’s like marygold, uh, or like a yellow ochre.
[00:46:07] And this is like ugly, but I like it. It’s like a toe or something. And they’re not, they don’t have a color. Like, could you put a number on these or something? No, No, but they’re for kids and so I think they’re washable. So, you know, that’s okay too. But like I played with these things, these art bars, man, I got so many [00:46:30] cool tools, but I was okay doing stuff with kids stuff because I, I realized that if you were in that perfectionist mode, you might need some kid tools, because if I messed up, It’s just kid tool, you know?
[00:46:45] It wasn’t like I messed up a $30 watercolor, you know? I mean, sometimes a tub of watercolor is like $15. It’s tiny. So it’s like, makes me not wanna use it. I went through a whole bunch of stuff next week. That’s where we’re gonna talk about that first [00:47:00] bump that finally got me over and just kind of the must messy middle.
[00:47:04] Thank you, um, for sitting through this. I told my mom it’s not gonna be an hour today. Hm. Yeah, it was 55 minutes. Okay. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sticking around and, and showing up today, and I’m back and I’m, I’m very thankful for you. I’m thankful for you watching and for you showing up live and.
[00:47:28] Um, yeah, I got van [00:47:30] interest interested in my kid sticks and I think, um, there’s these woodies and I know Paul got some of those and I don’t know, there was something very freeing about really thick materials that you had to use in a different way. And, um, so the la lack of control. So anyway, I love you too, Amy.
[00:47:50] I just really, really, really appreciate you guys the time that you give me. In 10 years. It’s a long time and so I’m very [00:48:00] thankful. Okay, the end, and I’ll see you next week. It’ll be the messy middle of my summer 2022. Hope you have a great rest of your day.